I've come to the conclusion, that I need routine and structure in my life. At the present time, and probably for the past few years my brain has known nothing of the sort. I used to be OK with this, but more recently I'm just not OK with it. At times I have joked about how chaotic our lives are. I guess I have come to the realization that it is not funny anymore. For the sake of my family and friends, I need to find some structure and establish a routine.
I have all the technology needed to help me organize myself, yet I don't find the time to use it. How ridiculous is that? Is it that my brain is on overload? Probably, but whose isn't? I am not the only working mother in this world, and yet that is always my excuse. Enough of that. Enough of trying to make excuses for myself. I need to just get it together.
Life is just to short to stress about the unimportant aspects of life. It seems like everyday God is sending me signs. For the past few weeks, things have just happened that have made me reflect about life. Not just my life, but life in general. First, my uncle was hospitalized. Every time my mom called, I feared that the phone call would bring sad news. Thankfully he is much better now. I continue to pray that he recovers fully and that he is able to spend more time with the family that loves him.
Then, a family feud ensued within my own small family. I can not even describe how sad it makes me. My mom has three daughters, four granddaughters, one grandson, two great grandchildren and two son in laws. And that is it. I only pray that things get better, we are such a small family. I can not and will not choose sides. I love you both so very much, I love my nieces all so much too. Please, look past everything and forgive and forget.
And if that was not enough, my friend Holly's daughter went in for a tonsillectomy. A very common surgery and due to complications hemorrhaged twice. I saw this poor little girl fight for her life twice. The second time we were driving her to her doctors office because she was having a little bleeding. From one second to the next, she started throwing up so much blood. I have never been through something like that. It's an image that I can not get out of my head. I panicked, and then I just prayed and prayed that she would be OK. Thankfully, she is now home and getting her spunk back.
While she was in the hospital, we learned that a dance dad was diagnosed with cancer. I felt an enormous amount of sadness for this family. I pray that he will be treated and that he will be healthy once again.
This is when realization hit me. Has stuff like this been going on around me all this time? Yes, of course it has. Maybe not so close to me, but it has. Have I been so self absorbed to notice? Yes, I have. Have I been living behind my own four walls and not paying attention? Obviously.
Last night I was talking to my dance mom friends and the topic of death came up, I had to walk away, it was all to real for me. I came home and checked my FB like I usually do and some of my other friends were on the same topic. Was it a sign? Probably not, but it was enough to make me want to stop and smell the roses. To not be so self absorbed and to not be so judgemental. To try and keep a positive outlook on life. To rid myself of ugly people with ugly intentions. And to not be one of those ugly people. Gone are the "frienemies". How I continue to let people like that into my life, I'll never understand.
I don't believe there is such a thing as "a perfect person". I believe that we all make mistakes. Sometimes we learn from them, sometimes we don't. God knows, I have made mistakes. Probably more than I should have. To this day I am learning. I am trying to be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will continue to try. I will continue to make mistakes. And when I do, I know that the people that truly love me, will forgive me. Just like I forgive them. And if they don't, then they were never truly there to begin with.
I know that I cannot change overnight. This will be a work in progress. Every little step helps. So, when I have my "ugly" moments, please don't be shy to point them out. And Buddy, that means you too. Although, you've never been too shy to point them out. : )
I have all the technology needed to help me organize myself, yet I don't find the time to use it. How ridiculous is that? Is it that my brain is on overload? Probably, but whose isn't? I am not the only working mother in this world, and yet that is always my excuse. Enough of that. Enough of trying to make excuses for myself. I need to just get it together.
Life is just to short to stress about the unimportant aspects of life. It seems like everyday God is sending me signs. For the past few weeks, things have just happened that have made me reflect about life. Not just my life, but life in general. First, my uncle was hospitalized. Every time my mom called, I feared that the phone call would bring sad news. Thankfully he is much better now. I continue to pray that he recovers fully and that he is able to spend more time with the family that loves him.
Then, a family feud ensued within my own small family. I can not even describe how sad it makes me. My mom has three daughters, four granddaughters, one grandson, two great grandchildren and two son in laws. And that is it. I only pray that things get better, we are such a small family. I can not and will not choose sides. I love you both so very much, I love my nieces all so much too. Please, look past everything and forgive and forget.
And if that was not enough, my friend Holly's daughter went in for a tonsillectomy. A very common surgery and due to complications hemorrhaged twice. I saw this poor little girl fight for her life twice. The second time we were driving her to her doctors office because she was having a little bleeding. From one second to the next, she started throwing up so much blood. I have never been through something like that. It's an image that I can not get out of my head. I panicked, and then I just prayed and prayed that she would be OK. Thankfully, she is now home and getting her spunk back.
While she was in the hospital, we learned that a dance dad was diagnosed with cancer. I felt an enormous amount of sadness for this family. I pray that he will be treated and that he will be healthy once again.
This is when realization hit me. Has stuff like this been going on around me all this time? Yes, of course it has. Maybe not so close to me, but it has. Have I been so self absorbed to notice? Yes, I have. Have I been living behind my own four walls and not paying attention? Obviously.
Last night I was talking to my dance mom friends and the topic of death came up, I had to walk away, it was all to real for me. I came home and checked my FB like I usually do and some of my other friends were on the same topic. Was it a sign? Probably not, but it was enough to make me want to stop and smell the roses. To not be so self absorbed and to not be so judgemental. To try and keep a positive outlook on life. To rid myself of ugly people with ugly intentions. And to not be one of those ugly people. Gone are the "frienemies". How I continue to let people like that into my life, I'll never understand.
I don't believe there is such a thing as "a perfect person". I believe that we all make mistakes. Sometimes we learn from them, sometimes we don't. God knows, I have made mistakes. Probably more than I should have. To this day I am learning. I am trying to be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will continue to try. I will continue to make mistakes. And when I do, I know that the people that truly love me, will forgive me. Just like I forgive them. And if they don't, then they were never truly there to begin with.
I know that I cannot change overnight. This will be a work in progress. Every little step helps. So, when I have my "ugly" moments, please don't be shy to point them out. And Buddy, that means you too. Although, you've never been too shy to point them out. : )
Comments
Who needs all that drama in their life anyway with frienemies? I put those to rest long ago and if you do the same you will relieve even the slightest bit of stress they caused you!
Good luck girly!
Take care! :)
Your friend, Erica
And even though we can't control the way other people behave, or react to things, we can control ourselves, and the way we handle situations. Even if the other person is unforgiving, that is between them and the Lord. We always want to check our hearts and make sure we are in tune with God!!