Conversations with my 13 year old..........

Daughter.

Dear Daughter,

I was once 13 too. I used to think that the world revolved around me and that things would just magically happen. I would lay down on my bed and day dream about the future while listening to that magic song. The magic song that reminded me about something or someone. I had hopes and dreams just like you do. I to believed that my friends were the only ones I could talk to, the only ones that understood. I to used to think that my mom "hated" me and I used to think that I "hated" her.

There is nothing scarier than raising children. You want to do everything right, but there is no possible way you can. I make mistakes and I learn from them on a daily basis. I can not be perfect, and neither can you. You were my first born, therefore; I expect a lot from you. Maybe to much. I hate it when you think that my parenting you means that I don't LOVE you. It's because I LOVE YOU so much that I parent you. Because I LOVE YOU is why I can spend hours lecturing you on the rights and the wrongs. And in those hours, don't think that for one minute my heart doesn't hurt for you, or want to make things better. I would love to just let your mistakes go away, but I need you to know that you can do better. That you need to be responsible and that you need to be accountable. It's my job. It's my job to help you be the best woman you can be. Sometimes when we are having our disagreements, I hear myself say the same words that my mother used on me. I want to just cry, because when I was 13, I swore I would be different.

History has a way of repeating itself they say. In a sense, I tend to believe it. I don't believe that it has to happen that way. If that were the case, I wouldn't let you fill your heart with dreams and wishes for the future. When I was 13, I wanted to go off into a world of dreams and wishes. A world where I could do anything I wanted. I to read books and magazines and wished myself in these peoples shoes. All I could do was wish. I didn't have someone telling me that I could fulfill those dreams and wishes. I BELIEVE in you! I BELIEVE that you can do anything that you set your mind to. I am here to guide you along the way. I am here to help prepare your wings so that when you fly, you won't fall. I need to know that you won't fall. I need to know that when you leave our home you will make it to your destination. Maybe there will be some stops along the way, and even some bad weather, but when you get there, you will be safe and sound. That you will have learned from your mistakes and most importantly from mine.

Sometimes it's hard to hear the same old thing. And maybe it goes in one ear and out the other. I hope that when you are having one of those days, that you can understand that no one will LOVE you more than me. And that even on a day when I make you go to school with you hair dripping wet because you woke up late and took to long to get ready. That even though you begged and pleaded with me to just let you stay home, and I wouldn't. That even though you wouldn't get out of the car because you were embarrassed and I then proceed to walk you into the office and then stood there to make sure you went to class it was because I LOVE YOU. And when you turned around and gave me a look of "I Hate you", I forgave you. I forgave you because I LOVE YOU.

I know that right now you say that you are not going to have your own children. That you are going to live in the city and your going to adopt a little girl from China just like Charlotte did. (If I didn't listen to you, would I know all of this?) And, if you stick to that plan, which I believe you will. One day, that precious little girl from China will also turn 13. And hopefully you will remember this "horrible time" in your life as a learning experience and

LOVE HER, just like I LOVE YOU!

Because this to shall pass.